What will the people of the future think?

I bet most people that have existed, have at some point thought they were lucky to have been born in the time they were and considered how much better off they must have been than previous generations, be it in regards to health, knowledge, rights, advances in science or any other aspect of life. And yet, as time passes and new generations take over, those very things become tragically out-dated and serve only as a measure of comparison between the old "things" and the corresponding "things" of today.

I thought about this tonight, wondering what people in a hundred years will find hopelessly old-fashioned about my way of living. Though I'm very much aware of the shortcomings of today's society, I also know how far we've come. So of the things that I do, say, and think today, what will they understand, what will they frown upon, and what will they condemn? What will make them go "Well, she didn't know any better." I have my ideas. Topics like sustainability and gender will most likely have to do with some of it. What I'm really curious about though is what the future will hold that we have no way of predicting today. If I went a hundred years back in time and had to explain to them what the internet is and how we use it, the concept would probably sound so foreign and odd to them that they would have a hard time grasping the idea. So what I can't help but wonder is - if we had a similar visitor from the future, what would they tell us that would blow our minds?

Naturally, I don't have the answer. But these are the places my mind goes late at night and tonight I thought I'd share my thoughts with the internet. It's so interesting to think about.

Sweet dreams!

Too high expectations

I told myself if I just put in the work this blog would eventually become popular and lead to job oppertunities and all kinds of wonderful things. Silly, I know.

And the result of that mindset = me not posting in a month and a half.

From now on I'll just write whatever comes to mind and and hit the Publish button, no matter how incoherent or insignificant my words may be.

I will not let the fear of failing keep me from doing this. Fear has already ruined so much for me. Maybe this blog won't lead to anything at all, but at least I'll be able to say I actually did something.

Well-meaning Bad Advice

Today I talked to my father about how stuck I feel and how I'm repeating the same bad patterns that started when I was younger which is using avoidance as a coping mechanism.

At first the conversation went well. We've talked about similar things before and some of the issues I have, he actually has too and sometimes, just knowing that I'm not alone in feeling the way I feel is help enough. But then after after a short while, instead of supporting me in how I told him I've chosen to deal with it ( = seeing a therapist), he starts giving me "advice". Or rather tells me how I should feel. For example, I told him that going into a firm/shop/whatever to hand in a resume is absolutely terrifying to me. A simple "Aw, that sucks. I'm sorry you feel that way" was all that I needed. Instead he starts telling me that there's nothing to be scared of and that I should just go ahead and do it 'cause it isn't that bad (or something to that effect). It's so frustrating because a) you can't tell me to just not be scared - that's not how fear works, b) you can't tell me something isn't bad when you don't truly understand how I fell and c) these are the words I tell myself already and they're only making things worse because I then feel pathetic for not being able to overcome something that should be simple and easy. So even though his words came from a place of caring they had the opposite effect.

Then, when I tell him that his so called advice is not helpful he gets defensive.

This scenario has played out many times with different people and it's equally frustrating every time.

One good thing that has come of these not-so-fun experiences is the realization really is the best choice for me at this point.

I'll really do my best next week to finally book my first appointment even though even the thought seems overwhelming.

- Janni

Dreaming or Doing

For about as long as I can remember, I've had lots of dreams and intentions about what I want to do in life. I've even written a lot of these down to sort of solidify them as goals and give myself a visual reminder of what I want to achieve.

But the problem is - I hardly ever actually do these things. If things go well maybe I'll try doing the things once or twice and then let it fizzle out.

Also, I have a tendency to not be specific when I talk as you may already have noticed. I have recently realized that not doing this can be a way of protecting myself from hurt or judgment. I want to stop doing this because it's also a way to distance myself from others.

So in the spirit of being specific - this is who I am and why I made this blog:

I want to be an author. When I was young I used to love writing and reading stories. After I finished University July last year I started applying for jobs, but quickly fell into a slump. Writing the applications was hard because deep down I didn't want the types of jobs I was applying for. My degree is in Online Communication so naturally I applied for things dealing with social media, online marketing campaigns and the like. I felt so fake writing that I "thrive in a fast-paced environment" or that I "enjoy juggling having many balls in the fair" because I really really don't. (Nearly all the jobs called for that type of personality, so I felt that I had to have those kid of qualities). It wasn't just that though. The premise of the jobs themselves didn't appeal to me at all. I'm a very idealistic kind of person and having a job where I have to promote something I don't really care about is at odds with what I believe in. I strive towards not being materialistic and living a more simple and intentional lifestyle.

I have so many ideas for my book and its plot, theme and characters. I think about it all the time and yet I rarely ever sit down and put pen to paper (or rather finger to keyboard) and that needs to happen in order for my dream and goal of becoming an author can become a reality.

This is where this blog comes in. I have other goals in life other than to be a published writer (and I intent to tell you about them), but what they all have in common is that I need to stop dreaming about them and start taking actions towards making them happen. In my experience, once you get the ball rolling it gets easier and easier and so this is me giving the ball its first push.

Hopefully this will also be a platform that'll allow me to connect to other people who share some of the same struggles so that we can support each other and help keep each other focused on what we set out to do.

Umm.... so yeah. I really want things to start happening so that I'll no longer feel stuck as I do now. Here's to hoping this blog is the beginning of making my dreams a reality. No pressure or anything ;)

- Janni